| privacy issue |
|
|
| 03:02pm 26/06/2002 |
| |
mood:  indescribable
|
well i spent the night at jay's house last night. cried for like 3 hours. i wasn't going to go at first but descided it would be better to be around someone who saw the good things in me then someone who's going to tell me that my whole life is worthless. i'm sure my dad thought i went over there to fuck jey or something like the slut he swears i am. whatever. he knows nothing about my sex life. as soon as he found out i wasn't a virgin all of a sudden i'm a slut. my heart just hurts right now. i don't know about things anymore. i son't know if growing up just means you grow numb to the outside world and everyone in it. i'm guessing this will have to become a private journal for my rants.. which is what it always has been. but since i found out certain people cough*dad*cough have found it and decided to use it's contents as ammunition. i can no longer share it with anyone. so thanks to everyone who had me on their friends list. if you want to read my REAL journal. go to ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) mudgirl. i might just stop writing in this one all together and find another journal to use for my rantings. |
|
| |
|
(2 bled with me | slit your wrists) |
| |
| i am everything, i am nothing... |
|
|
| 07:59pm 24/06/2002 |
| |
mood:  crushed
|
well.. i stayed up all last night to finish my work.. since the band had 2 gigs this week and that put me way behind. so after staying up all night i am getting ready when my dad wakes up. in aBAD mood and descides that it's time to treat kelly like she's 5 years old. "go brush your teeth" he tells me. WTF?! "why? i'm about to go to bed" is my responce. keep in ming this is also 6am. "i'll do it when i get up.". then he proceeds to yell at me for asking him 'why'. it's a "stupid" question. and he also proceeds to tell me i'm gonna end up like one of those toothless biker chicks giving blowjobs at bars. i just stomp off and go brush my teeth. then i come back and tell him that he doesn't have to be an asshole just because i ask him a question. we get into a big arguement. i start crying.. and basically the whole deal ends with him telling me that he hates my lifestyle and that he feels like he invested 20 years in my life for nothing. i'm a lost cause and worhtless to him. FUCK YOU DAD. and then people wonder why i was suicidal when i was younger. deal with someone telling you your not worth shit your entire life. that you're nothing to them. and basically will call you a slut, stupid, and fat.. just to hurt you, so they can win an arguement. but tell you that they're "just being honest and if you can't handle it you're ot ready for the real world"... not true. i can tell the real world to SUCK A DICK! he later came back adn told he was sorry if he hurt my feelings but he was just being honest and he loves me, so that's why he has to tell me all these things. so i will improve my life. improve my life?? in dad language that means, be like me. well fuck you dad, i'm not going to live your life. when i get a deal and make enough money to send your ass to the old folks home, i will. and i'll make sure mom has her own big house with lots of hot young male servants! wait... fuck that i'm moving in with mom haha. i hate him. |
|
| |
|
(2 bled with me | slit your wrists) |
| |
| well holy testical tuesday |
|
|
| 05:15am 22/06/2002 |
| |
|
mood: introspective music: pink - just like a pill
|
i just counted the bands from the last post and i counted 60!!! that's a fuckin lot! more than i thought. |
|
| |
|
(slit your wrists) |
| |
| bands i've seen live... |
|
|
| 03:36am 21/06/2002 |
| |
mood:  indifferent music: 12 stones - broken
|
i keep seeing diff lj peeps doin this so i'mma join the fun...
i'm not gonna list locals because that would be the never ending list haha.
hatebreed
mudvayne(twice)
ill nino (three times)
no one (twice)
kittie (twice)
god forbid
coal chamber
reveille
sevendust(6 times)
converge
hoobastank
riddlin kids
metallica
sugarcult
foo fighters
genitorturers(signed locals count i guess)
nuerotica
(hed)pe (twice)
dry kill logic
kid rock
slipknot
linkin park
crossbreed (a billion, litterally atleast 30 times)
ozzy
p.o.d.
fear factory
spineshank (twice)
jerry cantrell
three doors down (twice)
creed (twice)
the offspring
static-x (3 times)
stone temple pilots (twice)
sum41
long beach dub allstars
unwritten law (3 times)
40 below summer
crazytown
staind (twice)
american head charge
korn
drowning pool (twice)
auto pilot off
nickelback (twice)
default
pressure 4-5
taproot (3 times)
Darwin's waitnng room (12 times)
nonpoint (3 times)
endo (7 times)
american hi-fi
half-cocked
mighty mgihty bosstones
disturbed (3 times)
soil (twice)
green day
twizted
black label society
marilyn manson
3rd strike
apartment 26
ok well those are all the ones worth remembering..the ones i saw more then once were usually because i went to a normal show and then saw them at a festival of some sort. crossbreed i've know for years, same with darwin's... and a couple of the other florida bands just because they play here a lot. fuck that list was longer than i thought. |
|
| |
|
(slit your wrists) |
| |
| fucktard |
|
|
| 01:31am 18/06/2002 |
| |
mood:  cynical
|
yeah my bro is an idiot.. he was supposed to come home from venice,fl today.. but no no he descided to switch tires (he went down to stock tires) the last minute and that was already 9pm.. so by the time he got to sebring, he found something wrong with it and has to stay up there overnight to take it to a mechanic to balance his shit. stupid fuck he is. he couldn't wait to get home and trade tires with the local guy. my bro is the most impulsive person i know. thank god he goes to sleep before infomercials come on tv!
the gig on sat went ok.. i was pretty pissed that my guy didn't show up (but he tried his damndest.. fuck you!! p.o.s. car!) basically i would have rather played the brass mug (if you've never heard of the brass mug before just imagine what kind of bar would call it's self that and there you go).. i'm also kinda bummed i won't get to party with derek before the coal chamber show.. but i'm sure when we finally get to party it'll be one hellova time! i think me and alisha are going to go see flofactor on sunday. i really want to watch them play again. i <3 them hehe.
but back to my guy and his p.o.s. car.. i guess that means i won't be spending the night out in spring hill untill he gets it fixed.. and being that he has no job right now, who knows how long that'll be. grrrr. why can't he livein tampa damn it. i swear i NEVER date guys that live within 30 minutes of me. i'm lying i've dated ONE fucking guy who lives in my town. i think my problem is i never date more then one person from any given city in florida. ahahaha, actually now that i look back on it.. i've dated TWO guys that lived in my city. whoo fucking whoo right? haha. let's see two out of the 15 guys i've dated in the past 4 years (i didn't really date before i was 16) but still i think 15 is a lot. but being as though none of my relationships have lasted more than 3 months.. i don't know if they even count as relationships. i don't really care. i'm a wild one i am. i think i'm gonna go check up on some new interesting people to add to my friends list :) |
|
| |
|
(4 bled with me | slit your wrists) |
| |
| i have to pea pea |
|
|
| 04:07pm 15/06/2002 |
| |
mood:  anxious
|
haha. anyway i'm off toplay a gig tonight. fun fun considering we didn't promote it at all. i can't wait to get my freeking computer and printer so i can start making flyers again. grrrr. it's supossed to be here by wednesday...*crosses fingers*.. it seriously is gonna rock.. 19inch flat screen, sweet processor, printer, cd-rw.. 128meg of ram. *gets goosebumps*.. a shitload better then the 233 i was running before. the dinasour finally went extinct! anyway off to get ready.. blessed be. |
|
| |
|
(4 bled with me | slit your wrists) |
| |
| people suck! |
|
|
| 09:30pm 11/06/2002 |
| |
mood:  cranky
|
i'm realizing that i have some FAKE ass friends. it seems like every year i make like 20 friends... and by the end of the year only one or two are actually real friends. since my computer has been broken i'm noticing it's fucking out of sight out of mind with them. i'm so hurt. i guess i have to do another cleansing of friends. it's become almost a ritual. make a load of friends see who rises to the top and get rid of the people that are just "cling-ons". cling-ons are the people who are your friend when it's convinient for them, and end up sucking the life out of you. i'm being a whiney bitch but hey,... it's my journal dip shit. i do feel a little better now after talking to derek. he rox. just a total sweetheart. another thing about making friends is you end up making friends with guys who actually are just playing the "friend angle" to get in your pants. but i can tell derek isn't like that. he's cool, hopefully he won't forget about me like everyone else seems to be doing.
jay *secret crush guy* was supposed to come over today, but never made it... that's probably the other reason i'm all shitty. his car died and his dad got home too late for him to get a jump and come over. the fact that i'm THIS bummed scares me. because that means i'ma lready vulnerable to getting my heart broken... i usually don't let anyone in.. who knows how he got past security.
i'm also bummed because my birthday concert got cancelled. i was gonna have a big show with my band and have my party afterwards.. but since we have to cancel (my guitarist had to work) i won't get to. boooo hoooo for kelly time. i think i'm gonna go try to cheer myself up.
thanks again derek. i'm glad to have you as a friend. *gives you big hugs* |
|
| |
|
(2 bled with me | slit your wrists) |
| |
| damn people!! |
|
|
| 10:36pm 07/06/2002 |
| |
mood: anxious
|
lol normally being popular and having lots of friends to hang out with wouldn't be a complaint.. except i WANT TO HANG OUT WITH ALL of them! grrr. i'm supposed to hang out with derek on sat which is cool because he rox! but clenchfist is playing the mug that night and i HAVE TO BE THERE.
*sigh* i should have known that i shouldn't hang out with clenchfist so much.. as you might have guessed i have developed a little crush on one of the guys.. but i'm not telling who just yet :x lol. i mean, i already know he likes me back. he's liked me for a while but since i didn't know him then it was easy to just ignore, but now he's kinda becoming one of the main reasons i hang out with them. not that i don't love the rest of the guys, because i do, but i dunno.. me and ***** just hit it off really well. i gotta go now and check my e-mail. i might update later i dunno i gotta call 19004WANKEL haha.. |
|
| |
|
(slit your wrists) |
| |
| hot mama |
|
|
| 01:01am 05/06/2002 |
| |
mood:  artistic music: the deafening silence!
|
hehe you can check out my new rawkin outfit here. it's all got red trim but it didn't show up in the pic.. i think this is the only picture i have of me in a skirt so feel priviledged! haha
hey don't forget to dial 1-900-4WANKEL and talk steamy sex talk like, green martian condoms, living room kiddie pool nudity (for adults only), and stalkers!! the first 4 hours are FREE if you claim to be a stalker and tell them I sent ya ;) |
|
| |
|
(1 bled with me | slit your wrists) |
| |
| the writer... |
|
|
| 07:33pm 03/06/2002 |
| |
mood:  excited
|
well there is a local mag starting up and i just wrote the editor to see if he's accept an article of mine. who knows if he'll be interested but i love to write and it would be awesome if i could get it in print. i went out to hot topic today and bought a ROCKIN punky-goth looking dress. i'll post pics soon (hehe i was that excited that i took pictures.. me=dork).. anyway i'll write more later my room looks like a hurrican hit it.
laters
p.s. there's no place like home.. i suuure did miss my own bed and mom's home cooking..yummm. |
|
| |
|
(slit your wrists) |
| |
| oh yeah baby! |
|
|
| 02:38am 31/05/2002 |
| |
mood:  ecstatic music: coal chamber - row boat
|
"On 5.17.02 we shot a video for 'Slit Wrist Theory' in Manhattan. We'll let you know on the progress, the final edit should be in our hands in a month or so." - 36crazyfists.com
dude someone out there seriously loves me!!! hehehehehehehe *joygasm* squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! |
|
| |
|
(2 bled with me | slit your wrists) |
| |
| california rocked |
|
|
| 02:07am 31/05/2002 |
| |
mood:  cheerful music: clenchfist - download
|
well i just got back from cali.. it was fun lol. got to see my whole livejournal crew hehe. went to san fran, los angeles and hollywood. good shoppin down on melrose i tell ya.. but they whole time as much sa i loved seeing every one i missed these guys right here (http://www.angelfire.com/rock3/clenchfist/newpiczpage/pics/dark.jpg)
check them out at their website. i guess you guys don't understand but these guys are like my big brothers. and going a whole week without talking to them was hell lol. they kick so much ass and are defiantly probably one of the next bands to be signed out of florida. plus their freeking hot!! lol. anyway i just got offa 6 hour flight so my ass is beat. c-ya.. |
|
| |
|
(slit your wrists) |
| |
| well |
|
|
| 11:23pm 21/05/2002 |
| |
mood: awake music: 36 crazyfists - turns to ashes
|
i changed the layout.. i LOVE the new layouts they have now.. hopefully lj will keep coming up with them :) squeeeeee. i'm gonna be on here more often now.. laters! |
|
| |
|
(2 bled with me | slit your wrists) |
| |
| whoo hoo |
|
|
| 12:53am 15/05/2002 |
| |
mood: awake music: the blur - song 2
|
well let's see.. um.. i've been up to.. work.. band shit.. and lots and lots of boys. i've permanently decided (well semi-permenent) that i will not commit to a boyfriend. i'd rather just date and see as many boys as i want. right now ther are like 4 that are all talking to me.. i've just come to the conclusion right now i can't afford to date boys untill i get tired of them. i've started to be honest and just tell them up front that i'm not the girlfriend type. i think i am just now finding this out myself. it's not the commitment i want.. just the attention. and if they want to see me knowing that i don't want a relationship then that's on them. for once.. i want to be the girl with the most cake! |
|
| |
|
(slit your wrists) |
| |
| I'm not dead, nope nope nope// |
|
|
| 07:35am 08/05/2002 |
| |
mood:  annoyed
|
i'm just pissed off at the world.. parents, friends, everyone again. i hate guilt trips. i hate bad communication. i hate people who ignore me. i hate people who check out their best friend's girlfriends. fuck the world! |
|
| |
|
(slit your wrists) |
| |
| i hate liars! |
|
|
| 01:35am 15/03/2002 |
| |
mood:  aggravated music: animosity - karma
|
grrr.. people think they are all cool telling stories and name dropping then when you go to check out their story everything they said was a lie. i hate that. some guy told me that he was friends with ill nino and darwin's and i talk to the guys and find out that he's fucking full of shit. i hate that people trying to be fucking cool. the sad thing is i thought he was cool even if he didn't know the bands but the lying thing is fucking stupid. bye bye you dirty whore!
anyways i have a new man in my life and he takes up a lot of my time. he's a singer in a fellow local band which is cool. :) he even calls me from work! yay! good times. |
|
| |
|
(slit your wrists) |
| |
| hahahaha |
|
|
| 05:12pm 13/02/2002 |
| |
mood:  shocked music: Primer 55 - 03 Growing
|
dood! endo had all their shit stolen.. after a show someone stole their van w/ all their equipment in it... ouch! poor guys. i'll have to talk to Eli and Gil next time they come back to tampa about it.. that HAD to suck.. i dunno how they are gonna afford replacing all the shit they had. lol i'll donate my old guitar pedals and shit hahahahah. |
|
| |
|
(4 bled with me | slit your wrists) |
| |
| well... |
|
|
| 05:00pm 13/02/2002 |
| |
mood: annoyed music: The X-Ecutioners - It's Going Down (Feat Linkin P
|
my band has a show tomorrow so i'm gearing up for that. we've had a bit of a scramble since the other band that was gonna play broke up and we have 24 hours to fill the slot they were gonna fill.. but i pulled a few strings and i think Flofactor will play it w/ us.. *crosses fingers* but everyone has been super hard to get ahold of and it's pissing me off.
actually everyone round here is getting on my nerves. my friends that were supposed to come by and pick me up never even called or anything. i tried to talk to my parents about the unwritten law show i'm working on the 16th. i'm gonna get a ride home from the other girl thats working the show but when i go in there to talk to them i'm fucking invisable they just look at me standing there and ignore the shit outta me. whatever. |
|
| |
|
(slit your wrists) |
| |
| damn |
|
|
| 11:19am 07/02/2002 |
| |
mood:  geeky music: ill Nino - If you Still Hate Me
|
lol i had forgot about this fuckin thing... let's see... 3 family members died last month... but i'm coping alright. been to a few good concerts and got to make new friends. ill nino and no one are all cool guys. but you know how band guys are.. but i don't know why they put up with me lol i don't give them anything (i'm not a groupie by a long shot).
i'm so proud of calm lol they are starting to play out of state shows and are even doing photo shoots.. *sigh* i'll miss them once they get famous.. they won't be "my local band" anymore. they'll be everyone's band. *sniff sniff* happened w/ crossbreed and DWR. i mean don't get me wrong they still love me and give me my hugs and talk but it kinda looses that personal bond. everytime they see you, you become less a friend and more of a fan in their eyes. well especially DWR and it's sad because the drummer is my ex. grrr... i hate losing friends. being friends with musicians sucks because they are always on the go. and so am i so it makes maintaining any sort of relationship hard. ah well. |
|
| |
|
(slit your wrists) |
| |
|
|
|
